Creativity in ignorance

I'm either giving credit to an ignorant society or realizing which path it's chosen to follow. Watching people and the way they do things or how they speak is so amazing. It's creative and also ironic the human mind could agree with those decisions. I also think I know how people are capable of living in ignorance. Some just live their lives on autopilot. Autopilot isn't necessarily a good function. That's when we drift off course. We tend to be naive to the little things. This is funny because all over the world you see ads, pictures, videos; anything that tells us to watch the little things. Do we just not know what the little things really are? Are we truly blind? It is at that point we become selfish. Instead of trying to live in harmony with the universe we make everything about ourselves. Being selfish also isn't a bad thing you just need to find a happy medium between being selfish and being selfless. We overlook the functions that bring harmony to our world. We slow ourselves down and in turn slow our friends down, our colleagues, even our family. I find it easier to be more selfless than the other. It's rewarding. It's stylish and hip. It speaks out and it's different. Not everyone can be the person that is "always there." that is left for truly special people. The secret is they live their lives in harmony with the world. They give back more than they receive because they know it's right. But does being only selfish make you ignorant? At what point would it be considered ignorant or not? The way I see it; I don't wanna straddle the line of ignorance. I want my energy to be a positive one. It can be stressful but that's life. You have to be a master of your emotions and not let them take control of you. Notice your breathing throughout the day and focus on your heart beat. Close your eyes and see what comes to mind. Just for a couple minutes. You then will have expelled an extreme amount of stress or irritation. You kind of catch up with yourself. Know that you are alive and that you are here among others who feel just like you feel, see how you see, and think like you think. They didn't ask to be here but they are involved in your life. Do you really want to hold it against them?

This Is Your Life

This is a picture I stumbleupon'd one day in Charleston and to be honest with you, it changed my life. I printed in out and looked at it every day. I read the words very carefully. I started to see how I was living my life in a way that wasn't healthy. I wasn't myself and I wasn't doing things my way. Things are so trivial and so simple. It is the inspiration that this brought that really made me quit my job, pack up my things, and move. It made me remember all of my relationships and how I've messed them all up by trying to live for someone else or trying to be everything for someone else. No one needs to live for anyone else. No one needs to live in dogma. Go out and CREATE!! Create objects, create friends, create ideas, create a future. Find something you love and when you find it get involved in it. You will find happiness. More opportunities will come from that. Making changes doesn't happen overnight. You have to live it. You have to let the days pass by and watch how everything comes together. Stop looking for the easy route because you make it harder on yourself. Life is so beautiful and wonderful. Just let it happen.

Painting the Roses Red

Does anyone remember Alice in Wonderland? Do you remember the song? It makes me think of a literal way to understand it. If you recall, the cards have accidentally planted white roses when the Queen wanted red roses. The terms they decided were that if the Queen knew, they would kill them. What I find to be ironic is how we as a people plant white roses everywhere, paint them red, and hide them. We don't want people to see our mistakes or even the effort afterwards in trying to correct it. It's much like a secret. The best part is when Alice joins in with a bucket and a brush and starts to help. I think everyone has secrets that we bring other people into when we shouldn't. In the act it looks so fun and engaging, but you don't think about it in for the long run. In a few weeks or months those roses will be dead and no one will ever know the difference, but I find it hard not to remember the beautiful white roses. Why anything would feel the need to cover something up. The world is going to happen however it does but why should anyone be held accountable for those things? Death? This could translate into literal death or death of a friendship. I used to be the biggest liar ever. I could front anything. I could make anyone do anything and if they didn't there would be consequences. I'm not like that anymore. The truth is where its at. The truth keeps me in reality and not trying to remember the past of the things I should've done different or how I need to cover something up from my past. It's just there. Paint the roses red or leave them beautiful to blossom. The wages of mistakes is not death. It is learning. It is education. When you find someone making a mistake, help them correct it. Don't help them hide it. Focus on the future, focus of what can come out of this and if you can find something greater go with that. These things can be simple. Buying the wrong bread, crunchy peanut butter, or 1% milk. How horrid these things are that can be brought into a light so bright that your mistake is the only knowledgeable object. I just try to do my best to not make mistakes but when I do I have to fix them, not hide them, and not cover them up. The worst feeling in the world is getting caught.

7 Essential Ways To Live In The Moment

Wake up the right way.
There is nothing like that kind of morning when you wake up moments before an alarm clock goes off. It's almost like you know God made that day for you. It begins to snowball. The hot water doesn't run out, the coffee doesn't spill, and traffic is clear. Some of us have these days often whereas some of us see these kind of days once in a blue moon. So, here's the deal. When you wake up in the morning don't let your immediate thought be about what happened yesterday or what terrible thing might happen to you today. The mind is a terrible thing to not understand. Think about your dreams, think about helping someone, or even someone helping you. Listen to music that gets you ready for the day but one not associated with some negative memory of the past. Take your time waking up and don't try too fast. Enjoy your mornings because this is where your entire day begins to get defined.


Take time to brush off your shoulders.
I find myself thinking all day long. It used to be a curse. Now I find it a miracle. I couldn't imagine not analyzing every little thing I do or someone else does. Actually, if I think about it, I could. Anyways, if you find yourself throughout the day remembering who got in your way, who said the wrong thing, or what someone else is doing, you're going down the wrong path. Try to take a couple minutes after whatever altercation you encounter and breathe. It sounds easy, but to many it is hard. Try to picture someone else getting upset with you about something you did and really try to grasp that emotion. The hardest part of giving this to yourself is knowing no one else will care about the world around them enough to do the same. But don't let that stop you. Change only happens when something becomes more familiar or when a strong emotion is attached. I've explained this to so many people and I've gotten a few of them to calm down, or to slow their mental habits of automatically freaking out. I know it's hard to live in this world, but you don't have to make it so difficult on yourself. Let the world live, do your thing, and get on with it.


Notice everything.
This is the definition of living in the moment. The first book i read on the subject seemed so simple to me. Then I got another and found the same to be true. Then as I got more into it I realized that these people are just people who know how to live life. How to enjoy it. Living in the moment is precisely what it means. Take time to notice the living whether conscious or not. Everything on this Earth emits energy. Bring it in. Notice a tree, notice a stream, or notice a young child riding a bike alone and wonder where he is going. Don't stop after only a few things. Keep it going. As long as your main inner dialogue is focusing on the world around you it won't focus on what's behind you. What matters is really only what is happening now. You cannot go back to your past and fix something. You can't change something you said or something you did. So get over it. Move on. There are more exciting things going on around you. You can make yourself the center of the universe but don't forget how big that universe is or what else is in it. 


Be happy.
Sometimes I see people and I just think to myself, "I don't like your face." Seems a bit harsh but I always notice when someone looks pitiful, unbalanced, or unhappy. Everyone sees your face and in turn they put a memory to that face. Make it pretty by making it smile. Everyone has a rough day. Everyone experiences something that they think is the worst ever. They are your emotions so feel free to do whatever you want with them, but appear happy. No one really wants to hear about your problems because usually no one wants to hear the help in return. If you are not capable of fixing your problems or shortcomings, don't let the world know about it. We're sick and tired of hearing about everyone's problems. I want to hear a great story. I want to hear something that lifts me up. I want tears of joy in my eyes all day long. I don't have the best life, but I always make sure that people know I'm OK. Sure, you're thinking if you hold it in or fake it that it will all be let loose someday. Just don't let that happen. Go back to the last tip and brush your shoulders off. Don't carry that stuff with you. No one likes baggage.


Stay up to date.
It's hard keeping up with this big bad world. All the news, sports, celebrities, friends. It can be a huge burden on your personal life to get too involved in other things but find what fits you. Keep up with the world, stay in touch with friends, and find interests you are really interested in. Your social life will blossom, your mind will grow stronger, and you won't feel so bad for not knowing anything. There are some stupid people in this world, even in this country. I've talked to people who have never been to a sporting event. Who don't understand how an economy works. Some who don't know who our President is or what party he belongs to. If I could put all the ridiculous up here I would, but it would take too long. Sure, some people are uneducated or under educated but why? Why would you want to live a life where you know nothing about the things around you? I wouldn't. If you aren't learning something new everyday, there is something wrong.


Reflect.
I know earlier I said not to focus on the past or get involved in those types of things, but at the end of your day it is ideal to reflect. If you have anything you "carried" home with you, get rid of it. Remember who was there for you or who helped you. Remember who you didn't have a chance to help and get on that tomorrow. Do not lay your head down tossing some idea around in your head. Be prepared for tomorrow, make it better than yesterday. Every day.


Dream
To me, there are two different types of dreams. Those you see while you sleep and those childhood dreams you may have forgotten. Remember your dreams. Write them down as soon as you wake up by keeping a dream journal. Deep in those dreams you will find clues to your everyday life. You will see old friends and meet new ones. It can bring a little excitement into your life and can even be fun to go back and see the crazy things your mind has come up with. Like I said before, the mind is a terrible thing to not understand. As far as your childhood dreams are concerned, remember they are childhood dreams. They were long term goals you set for yourself as a toddler, or adolescent. I wanted to be a Pro Soccer Player. I didn't get there, but the idea that I, as a young child, could imagine I had what it took amazes me. There are tons of other things I dreamed to be but I never got any of those. I worked my way up each of those paths but never got to the top. Don't forget your dreams because if you forget them, you doubt yourself. You tell yourself that you never wanted anything and you got it. Hopes for something more or something better keep me going and who knows, maybe you'll get your shot at what you always wanted just for your effort. For your passion. I recall a story where a high school boy with down syndrome wanted so bad to play football but couldn't. He was put on the team basically to make him feel better. In a playoff game the opposing team talked to the other coach and told him to put the kid in. The young man took a handoff and ran 76 yards for a touchdown in a playoff game for his high school. Something this young man never would have dreamed of doing. But he had passion and he held on to his dreams. He will never forget that for the rest of his life and when he thinks about it he will feel triumphant. That is the best feeling in the world.

Let Go And Live In The Moment

We soul search every day in attempts to learn about ourselves. Only, we realize that to truly find ourselves we have to look for our reflection in others, our counterpoint. We move away to save ourselves from who we become because we're so scared of our gut instinct that we only get inspired by being right in the first place but wrong in the moment. In order to find a clear head and a clear mind is to only live in the moment, not because of our haunting pasts, but because the present is really all that matters. We need to only be here now, to witness and not be deductive. When this is accomplished you will find yourself with no regrets and no withdrawals. Of course you only need the tools we've learned our entire time-line such as faith, respect, devotion, and faithfulness. Most of what we have learned is not to understand the past or what we've gone through but what we are going through in the moment for support. We do not learn to understand, we learn to be better. When this metaphorical learning curve represents a positive incline on your time-line, you know you're right where you're supposed to be. Everything should always be "up" from where you were last. Now I know what you are thinking, "I'm human, I mess up, and I make mistakes." We not need to reflect on these things, only learn from them and learn how to cope in that moment. Detach yourselves from living a life through other's feelings and emotions. Live for yourself and live unaffected; live knowledgeably and live in the NOW. You've learned how to get through these things so don't waste your time trying to find the "what if's" and "how so's." You will never find the true answer you're looking for by asking questions. You will find them by pursuing the answer in yourself, because only you have the answers.

I am Only Human

I was nearly convinced at one point that this is only my life, that those in which I'm surrounded by are not real things. They do not speak like me, breathe like me, or think like me. Like it is all a big test. These people make terrible decisions. These people do not respect. These people do not care for one another.For myself, I experienced the worst depression last year. And I can say it was the worst depression because they were my emotions and no one elses; and they were running wild. Most of the time I felt lost and unconnected. I felt like I didn't make a difference in anyone's life because the people who I grew to love and respect never reciprocated or grew distant. I had a real problem with seperation. I remember one night thinking of all the people I've felt overly passionate about and in my life they do not exist anymore. That scared me. I would work, and work, and work; all for what? I began to grow disgruntled about my job and the worst part of it was that I loved it there, I admired many people in that establishment. But even then, I never felt heard. Another thing that drove me into a negative space. For nearly six months I spent every minute by myself. Not sharing my feelings, my thoughts or concerns. Letting myself run on autopilot. Whatever happened only happened. I grew even more lost.


I felt homeless. The same way I felt when I was 18 and 19. In the same exact city. I had a house, I had belongings, I had water, power, air conditioning. Yet I still felt like I was nothing.


I was outraged. I was physically hurting. The past two years of my life I've ended what was before and began what is now. I've suffered, but I've persevered. I've wept, but I've held my head up. I stopped living in a world of destruction and disaster and opened myself up to a more humble way of thinking. Each and every day I come into contact with people who just continually don't give a shit about what they've done, what they're doing, or what they've started. When did the importance of the present leave people's hearts? When did people stop dreaming? When did people stop creating? So many people who are allowing the rest of the world to make their decisions are the people I have to deal with daily. Well I am not at the hands of the world, the government, or my state. I am at the will of myself. I was born here, I didn't choose that and it just so happens that I am a free man. It just so happens I am free to do whatever I want, to say whatever I want, and to make my decisions based on my own cognitive thinking. Do you know what that means? Why is everyone not jumping all over this? Many people take this for granted, they think they have to be some robot passing through time and space. Who wants to be nothing? Who doesn't want to change someone's life? Who doesn't want to help other people? These are the things I found myself thinking about all the time. I've grown sick of living my life at the will of civilization. I use things everyday that I didn't make or create and I think it's truly incredible. Life has been made easy for us, yet most of us continue to take it for granted. We live in a country that is slowly falling apart. People are rude, people are uneasy, people are jealous, people are not trustworty, and most people close themselves off. I've learned to respect everything. I've learned to love everything. I've learned to not speak or think negatively, although at times I still have my moments, but then I think... "I'm only human". It really is no excuse, it might be the worst excuse because the line does not mean, "I'm only human. I do these things because we as a human people are failing, because we are not perfect." But I've led myself to believe that I am an honest person, I am caring, I am respectful and respectable.. BECAUSE I'm only human and being human might just be the greatest thing that has ever happend to me.

One Year

This past year has turned out to be the worst I've ever experienced. I think we all go through these phases near the end of the year where we start to look back and think of all that has happened in that one year. Each year it's typical; something about a job, a relationship, or housing situation. For others it's smoking, drinking, and eating. Sometimes it's just health. This one was different for me. It began with hopes of change.Waking up every morning taking anti-depressants, LSD, and then opening a bottle of champagne or drinking a twelve pack was my forte. I survived. I worked, and worked hard. I played even harder. I thought I was living the life. In the long run these things didn't damage me. I was smart about it all, if that really matters. Then everything else got out of control. It got to the point where I opened up my mind to a whole new level of thinking and as soon as that happened I began to experience the downfall. Not from my own struggles or addictions, but basically everything else. When the year was coming to a close I decided to throw that away, pack my bags, and head home back to live with my mother. And by live with her I mean sleep on her couch in her living room.

I've worked in the foodservice industry since I was 16 years old and I've been great at it. Leaving the best job in the world in Charleston, SC probably could be considered as one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and even today, eleven months later, I think about it. My first two months were spent trying to figure out where I wanted to start my new life. Chicago? LA? NYC? I was planning on getting my tax returns back and hitting the road. Once my tax returns came in, everything in my car blew out. I had to spend the majority of my money fixing a car that I really should have gotten rid of in the first place.I was jobless for 5 months of the year. I've never gone more than two weeks without a job and decided to settle as a cook in a place I had worked years before. Working in a kitchen can be grueling work, but working for a disgusting, money hungry, clown of a manager can drive you further down a dark path. I got fired for putting on Facebook that I needed a second job because I wasn't making enough money. Six days later I get called back and got my job back. Fun fact: the manager who fired me never spoke to me again. I got a second job at another restaurant I used to work at. To my other job it was probably the worst thing I can do because that manager couldn't tell Thursday from Tuesday or Saturday from Monday. Dealing with scheduling issues is one thing but when you have a set schedule it shouldn't be too hard to follow what YOU instated.

Directly after leaving my first job I began working more at the other job. One week into working there I got a call from one of my sisters. Her voice was shaking and I knew something had happened. Her words; "Something happened to your brother-in-law." My brother-in-law was a Staff Sergeant in the USMC. He was KIA 7/7/2011. SSGT Thomas Joseph Dudds Dudley. He was a true American Hero. I was not partial to death. Never really was around someone I would 'never see again.' My sisters had friends in their school who died, in fact, 16 total. Two people died while I was in high school, one from an overdose, and one who was murdered. Both of those hit home but they weren't people I had surrounded myself with. I only knew them through other people. I did go to both funerals. Then for nearly five years there was not a single soul that was taken that had a major affect on me until my Grandpa died in September of 2011. When his wife, my Grandma, died in the 90's, I was young and didn't know what it meant. It also meant driving from South Carolina to New York like it was a vacation of some sort. Although I will never forget the memory of a midnight phone call and my mom screaming and crying, I didn't have many memories of her. That is what I attached to death. Since TJ died in July, one of my friends OD'd, one of my friends was murdered by her stepson, and a dear friend of my family killed himself. Other than death, I have lost my car, got denied a loan to get a new car, I have slept on a couch for nearly a year andI have woken up at 7am every morning to mayhem. Every day is a struggle to get to work, family problems infiltrate my daily life, and my dad is getting sick at 71 years old.

So, this has been a year of my life with countless other trials and tests that have gone unsaid. But, I've learned to get through them, and this blog will be a testament to living the good life. I am positive. I am confident. I can tell you no matter what stress you are under, you can avoid it. You can find a way out and still be involved in your life wholeheartedly.