I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how everyone but me thinks. Its really funny how people can be so judgemental but have no clue what to do with that judgment when they discover it. People love to know how many friends they have or to know how many people may love them. You would think when someone makes a judgment of you that they would in turn understand you but the fact of the matter is when you first meet someone, they have no idea what your life struggles have been. They have no idea what you have been through; the things you have endured. Its amazing to see that people can take things the complete opposite way you want them to picture you. I am an incredibly respectful person. I love to be the guy who takes a situation and turn it into a learning experience. I found myself today having to apologize to several people on the sheer fact that although I was trying to solve a problem, they never saw I was trying to solve that problem but that I was an asshole about it. I never wanted to be an asshole and I sure as hell never came off that way. Especially after explaining that there was a problem and I wanted to solve it. I don't get it. I feel like anyone who wants to solve a problem should be viewed as a problem solver. Not someone who is an asshole and thinks they know everything. I am smart. I like to be involved. I love being that guy. Solving problems; making things efficient, that's my thing. I had to waste energy to make sure several people understood this when in the first place, I did what I could to display that in expression, tone, and verbage. Why do I have to try so hard to not only get people to understand me, but to actually listen to what I am saying? Just because I am low on the totem pole does not mean I do not respect, appreciate, or love the person I am speaking to; regardless of stature. I do not have to recognize your authority to your face. You earned that. It is there. It says it on your name tag, it says it in your attire, and you wear it on your shoulder. You are the one who is supposed to take what I say and run with it. I do not have the authority to instill those things upon those certain people. I wish more than anything I was recognized for the things I did and not the things I say. I do a lot. I say little. When I speak, I hope the things I say are accounted for, realized, and that maybe what I said is put into place. Otherwise, what is the true meaning of authority? Can I just have it? Can it be mine? I hate going into it, but just because I am missing my front tooth I feel like I am looked at differently. I do not have the funds to fix my physical problems. I am working on it. I am doing the best I can to get myself into a position where I can take care of those things but it is constantly held against me. No one realizes that. You want to say that no one judges a book by its cover, but no one lives like that. People judge books by their cover all the time. If they didn't, why do people take so much time and effort into putting out this image on their book to sell it? Why do music artists try to have the most eclectic cover art? I used to purchase albums solely on cover art because those who tried so hard to put the most riveting, eye capturing art on their album or book tried so hard to make sure they were heard. Why are people not the same way? I think they are. I think people try to look good to make a name for themselves. That across the room you may see this beautiful girl with a gorgeous body and a beautiful dress on but you have no idea that she is broken. But that same broken girl feels like you, who is admiring her for her pure beauty, is less than her. That you are browsing out of lust or jealousy. No. I am admiring you for how beautiful you have made yourself. I am hoping that one day I meet a girl who I can call mine who looks just as good as you do no matter what your flaws are. It is amazing what people think. I wish they thought like me. I wish they pushed judgement to the side and really got to know someone; even if they never spoke to each other. It only takes eye contact and a smile. That's it. Put me in the restaurant I work in and when I smile at someone it is called hospitality but outside that building it is something entirely different. I wish I could change the world. I wish I could make people think the way I do. There are nice people out there; genuine people. People who take one look at you and wish that they had the confidence or whatever it is that you have that you show when you strut around. But you see it in an entirely different way. That same girl is telling her friends this creepy guy was looking at her when in reality I admired her beauty and wanted to share it with the world. If you see things differently than that, I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for all the negativity and all the baggage you carry. That you look at men and see the same man that was dragging you down, beating you, or taking advantage of you. We are not all the same. I may judge a book by its cover, but the only thing that does for me is make me understand you. That when you are the way you are, I know how you are and I make the way I speak to you, look at you, or talk about you the way you may actually want to be remembered. To the girl I am speaking of who may never see this; you are beautiful. I wish most women walked like you. That they smiled like you. That maybe their eyes glistened the way yours did. All along you thought I was staring at your low cut dress. I thought you were beautiful and admired how you walked with confidence. You walked with definition and a purpose. We're not all the same. And I am so sorry that maybe you felt otherwise.
