One Year Ago

This coming week will be an emotional one for me and my family. We might fear the day but we will rise above it. July 7, 2011 we lost my brother-in-law to The War. SSGT Thomas Joseph Dodds Dudley. My sister's husband. Their children's father. A Brother, Uncle, and a friend. It was that same day, and the coming days to follow, where most of the learning in my life has come. Our hearts were shattered. Unfortunately I was at my work in Charlotte when I got the call. I was on the patio setting up at 10:30am when I got the call. "Something happened to your brother-in-law. Get home." It was at that point the call was disconnected. I abruptly got my stuff together and ran to the office to let my managers know that I had to leave immediately. While standing in the office, it hit me. I had to verbally say what happened. "My brother-in-law was killed in Afghanistan today. I have to go home." I lost it and fell into the arms of someone whose love I will never forget. I was emotional. I could not see anything but those three kids wondering what was really going on. I rushed to my car and raced home. My car would never go 100 m.p.h but on this day, it did. I got home in seven minutes. I ran inside to see three Marines inside and my niece sitting on the bed in the room where you walk in. I fell into her. I could not believe her father was dead. Mr. Invincible. Mr. Man of the Year. Mr. Incredible. In all walks of life, the last thing you want to understand is death. We are incapable of understanding why people are taken from us. We ask questions left and right, never really knowing what is going on, or what is going to happen. My sister and her kids were here on a mini-vacation from Jacksonville, NC so that the kids could see their Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. My sister was going to get some paperwork to finalize the adoption that would show my brother-in-law was her first daughter's father. We went to a concert. We had dinner. We had laughs. At the end of it all, we were sharing tears and shoulders. What a terrible vacation. What a blessing that we could all be together at that moment. It was heartbreaking.
Having someone die in the Military is partially rewarding, cruel, and riveting. It is not planned, but when it happens, everything is policy. Everything is Marine-speak, enunciated, and performed. It does not pose the same questions or feelings as when a Grandparent dies. This leaves no room for grief. No room for mourning. I wondered how everything might be at the funeral. I know my brother-in-law was an amazing man and I was ill prepared to find out just how much. We had close friends come by with open arms and lots of food. At one point I am sure there were forty or fifty people at my house. It was no party. Family came in from all over the country. It was surreal. One day you are at a Zac Brown Band concert wishing he was there with all his brothers and sisters having the great time we had, one day we were at the Fourth of July parade where we thanked God for him and his service. One day he was gone. I have never seen a community come together in the manner they did. From picking up his body on a chartered plane, people lined the streets of the road holding signs and flags. The memorial for TJ was not set to one spot. It was the entire week and it was the entire community who was a part of it. Everyone showed amazing support for my family and my sister and her family. We lost a great man. A man I will never forget and will strive to be like. A true hero. A role model for us all.
So what have I learned in a year? I learned how to look up to someone. I learned how to live through my heroes. I saw a man who gave everything he could for his family, his community, and his country. I saw a man who gave his life on the sheer notion that it was just right. I learned to stand up for myself. I found myself wanting to share the story of this amazing man and his family and how inspirational it was for me. I wanted to use that to inspire other people to do what you love, do it with passion, and live with no regrets. I learned to care for every man and woman I meet. I learned courage and love. This is a man I have known since I was 8. I knew him for more than the majority of my life. Now he is gone. The great thing about death is that though his body is no longer walking this planet, his spirit fills it. It has found a home in the souls of all who were affected. We have allowed him to live on, through us. I think everything does happen for a reason and looking back, I realize how many people he saved, even through death. I look at how many people got to take a step back and really think about what it was they were doing. I think he changed lives. He changed mine.
So as we approach this Fourth of July, as we approach the Seventh of July. Celebrate. Give your day to celebrate this country and the heroes who made it what it is. We are free. We have amazing opportunities here that maybe all of us are not grasping. We are so lucky to be where we are. So celebrate! Be with your closest friends and family. Cook out. Shoot off fireworks and kiss the ones you love under the blanket of stars God has given us. Our heroes are up there looking down and it is those same fireworks, in my opinion, that they can see and know we are still rooting for them, we miss them, and we are so happy for their sacrifice. Love with all of your heart and love everything. Give thanks to those who have helped you and help those in need. We are a strong country and the only way we will get any further than we are is to love. Love your people and love your country.

What Have I Learned?

I just got home from an amazing journey. An epic journey that accumulated all my beliefs and core values and shot them into an oblivion. I am a changed man. I thought before I was open, that I was confident, and mostly, that I was sure of it all.
I have been unfortunate, in the last two years, to have so many experiences that brought tremendous pain to me, my friends, and family. When I look back on these events, I know that I cannot trade them, I cannot take them back. As much as I want things to be different, I have to realize that they already are different. It happened that way. Things change. Things get different everyday. Sometimes these terrible events shine a new light into our eyes. Everytime, they will be looked back on, they will pass, and they will become part of your history. We also have moments where we do not suffer but rejoice for an experience. The great things that make us realize how hard we worked or notice how little we tried but were still blessed a bit to get just enough. It is these moments I love to create or be a part of. It is in those moments where we find growth. It is these same experiences where a family is made or made to endure.
I found another family. I become a part of a new family everywhere I go. I was going to be with these 8 other people for three to four weeks. What did I want from them? I think I wanted help. I have always been giving out my hands, trying not to receive. I needed reception and they were there to give it. What loving people I met. Such different people. We all had different accents. We all were into different things. We figured each other out very quickly. Be bonded very quickly. I think I collected something from each and every one of them. They passed it on to me and I will never forget it.
I learned compassion for everything and how to stand up for yourself and those around you. I learned confidence and how it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you; be yourself. I learned how no matter where you get, life is still the same, you are still the same person. I grew to project myself better, how to display my true emotions. I was able to be happy for 28 days. I laughed and had the best time of my life. I had amazing conversations with great people. I made a lot of new friends. I hope those people know I want to know them for the rest of my life.
Be yourself but always change. Always learn and grow. Everything happens for a reason; you are meant to go where you choose. It's the only way to go. Don't think; just go with your gut. Never second guess yourself. Your gut instinct is what you are meant to do. I would never trade the experiences I went through after having gone through them. They mold me. This one opened me up to an amazing level. Thank God for the experience of life and the concept of learning.

Change

It's amazing what the body and the mind are capable of doing. I thank the Enlightenment for what it did to people; the human race. Once upon a time we used to be held captive by our rulers, our "leaders" who took our hearts and held them under their own sleeves; that we may not be our own selves. That we could not reason. Remember, over time this went from something that was kept in the dark, behind closed doors, to something we do immediately without a second thought. Reason is the first thought. It is our first instinct.
For almost a month I have been on my own without friends and family by my side and in that time I have been received by a new family. I have learned to be on my own. To take care of myself. To reason by myself instead of needing approval from those around me. These people do not know me. This community does not know me. Where once I was embarrassed or anxious to do something, I am no longer. It has opened me up even more than I once was before. Which makes me think; at one point I was enlightened and it only continues to happen. The opening up is never ending. The blossoming never stops. I don't spend my time thinking about what another person may think of my actions or my reasoning. I realize these reasons are mine and I live partly unaffected but it rings true even more than before. That maybe if I can make these decisions on my own it will carry over when I go home. They will stick and people will see a new me. I hope they reason and see the change, accept it, and go on; maybe learn from it too. I hope people see the leadership and accountability I have learned to communicate and it makes them a better person. I am so thankful for the history of our human race. That there are some who strive to make it better for the future us. I love my experiences and my history and I will look upon those things as only an obect of ingenuity for my peers. That it only makes my reasoning much quicker and as a learning opportunity. I thank God for my history; for our history. I will strive to make this common-thought. That we can do anything we want. That we can change. There is always the thought that we can do better and change those around us and if you do not stick to that, we fall behind. You learn from doing; from changing. You stay the same when you don't and if you stay the same you will only experience that sameness. Change is good. Change keeps things rolling. Try something new. Do something you've never done before. Bring it home with you. Share it.