One Year

This past year has turned out to be the worst I've ever experienced. I think we all go through these phases near the end of the year where we start to look back and think of all that has happened in that one year. Each year it's typical; something about a job, a relationship, or housing situation. For others it's smoking, drinking, and eating. Sometimes it's just health. This one was different for me. It began with hopes of change.Waking up every morning taking anti-depressants, LSD, and then opening a bottle of champagne or drinking a twelve pack was my forte. I survived. I worked, and worked hard. I played even harder. I thought I was living the life. In the long run these things didn't damage me. I was smart about it all, if that really matters. Then everything else got out of control. It got to the point where I opened up my mind to a whole new level of thinking and as soon as that happened I began to experience the downfall. Not from my own struggles or addictions, but basically everything else. When the year was coming to a close I decided to throw that away, pack my bags, and head home back to live with my mother. And by live with her I mean sleep on her couch in her living room.

I've worked in the foodservice industry since I was 16 years old and I've been great at it. Leaving the best job in the world in Charleston, SC probably could be considered as one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and even today, eleven months later, I think about it. My first two months were spent trying to figure out where I wanted to start my new life. Chicago? LA? NYC? I was planning on getting my tax returns back and hitting the road. Once my tax returns came in, everything in my car blew out. I had to spend the majority of my money fixing a car that I really should have gotten rid of in the first place.I was jobless for 5 months of the year. I've never gone more than two weeks without a job and decided to settle as a cook in a place I had worked years before. Working in a kitchen can be grueling work, but working for a disgusting, money hungry, clown of a manager can drive you further down a dark path. I got fired for putting on Facebook that I needed a second job because I wasn't making enough money. Six days later I get called back and got my job back. Fun fact: the manager who fired me never spoke to me again. I got a second job at another restaurant I used to work at. To my other job it was probably the worst thing I can do because that manager couldn't tell Thursday from Tuesday or Saturday from Monday. Dealing with scheduling issues is one thing but when you have a set schedule it shouldn't be too hard to follow what YOU instated.

Directly after leaving my first job I began working more at the other job. One week into working there I got a call from one of my sisters. Her voice was shaking and I knew something had happened. Her words; "Something happened to your brother-in-law." My brother-in-law was a Staff Sergeant in the USMC. He was KIA 7/7/2011. SSGT Thomas Joseph Dudds Dudley. He was a true American Hero. I was not partial to death. Never really was around someone I would 'never see again.' My sisters had friends in their school who died, in fact, 16 total. Two people died while I was in high school, one from an overdose, and one who was murdered. Both of those hit home but they weren't people I had surrounded myself with. I only knew them through other people. I did go to both funerals. Then for nearly five years there was not a single soul that was taken that had a major affect on me until my Grandpa died in September of 2011. When his wife, my Grandma, died in the 90's, I was young and didn't know what it meant. It also meant driving from South Carolina to New York like it was a vacation of some sort. Although I will never forget the memory of a midnight phone call and my mom screaming and crying, I didn't have many memories of her. That is what I attached to death. Since TJ died in July, one of my friends OD'd, one of my friends was murdered by her stepson, and a dear friend of my family killed himself. Other than death, I have lost my car, got denied a loan to get a new car, I have slept on a couch for nearly a year andI have woken up at 7am every morning to mayhem. Every day is a struggle to get to work, family problems infiltrate my daily life, and my dad is getting sick at 71 years old.

So, this has been a year of my life with countless other trials and tests that have gone unsaid. But, I've learned to get through them, and this blog will be a testament to living the good life. I am positive. I am confident. I can tell you no matter what stress you are under, you can avoid it. You can find a way out and still be involved in your life wholeheartedly.